36 Questions to Fall in Love

The 36 questions to fall in love come from a 1997 study by psychologist Arthur Aron and colleagues, which explored how closeness can grow between two people through gradually more personal conversation. The questions are split into three sets, each a little deeper than the last. This page presents them in our own words as a guided game for two.

Sit together, open the game on one phone and take turns answering each question in order. Give yourselves about an hour. Set 1 is light, set 2 more personal, set 3 the most intimate. The original study ended with four minutes of eye contact - an optional, sweet finish. It works for new couples and for long-term partners who want to feel close again.

Based on the study by Aron et al. (1997). Aron et al., 1997

Start playing
  1. Go through the three sets in order – they get more personal as you go.
  2. Both of you answer every question.
  3. At the end, look into each other's eyes for four minutes (optional!).
  1. 1

    If you could invite anyone in the world to dinner, who would it be?

  2. 2

    Would you like to be famous? In what way?

  3. 3

    Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you'll say? Why?

  4. 4

    What would a "perfect" day look like for you?

  5. 5

    When did you last sing to yourself? And to someone else?

  6. 6

    If you could live to 90 and keep either the mind or the body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years, which would you choose?

  7. 7

    Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

  8. 8

    Name three things you and I seem to have in common.

  9. 9

    What in your life do you feel most grateful for?

  10. 10

    If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

  11. 11

    Take four minutes and tell me your life story in as much detail as you can.

  12. 12

    If you could wake up tomorrow with one new ability or quality, what would it be?

  13. 13

    If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life or the future, what would you want to know?

  14. 14

    Is there something you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?

  15. 15

    What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

  16. 16

    What do you value most in a friendship?

  17. 17

    What is your most treasured memory?

  18. 18

    What is your most painful memory?

  19. 19

    If you knew you would die suddenly in one year, would you change anything about how you live now? Why?

  20. 20

    What does friendship mean to you?

  21. 21

    What roles do love and affection play in your life?

  22. 22

    Take turns sharing something you consider a positive trait of mine. Share five each.

  23. 23

    How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most people's?

  24. 24

    How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

  25. 25

    Make three true "we" statements each, like "We are both in this room feeling…"

  26. 26

    Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share…"

  27. 27

    If we were going to become close friends, what would be important for me to know?

  28. 28

    Tell me what you like about me — be very honest, and say things you might not say to someone you just met.

  29. 29

    Share an embarrassing moment from your life.

  30. 30

    When did you last cry in front of someone? By yourself?

  31. 31

    Tell me something you already like about me.

  32. 32

    What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

  33. 33

    If tonight were your last chance, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?

  34. 34

    Your home catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely grab one item. What would it be and why?

  35. 35

    Whose death in your family would you find most disturbing? Why?

  36. 36

    Share a personal problem and ask how I might handle it. Then ask me to reflect back how you seem to be feeling about the problem you chose.

What are the 36 questions to fall in love?

They are a set of 36 increasingly personal questions from a 1997 study by Arthur Aron and colleagues, designed to build closeness between two people. Our versions are reworded.

Do the 36 questions really make people fall in love?

The study showed the questions can increase feelings of closeness. They are not a guarantee of love, but many couples find them a meaningful experience.

How long do the 36 questions take?

About 45 to 90 minutes, depending on how long you talk about each answer.

Can long-term couples use the 36 questions?

Yes. Many couples together for years use them to reconnect and learn new things about each other.