Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Having Kids

Having children changes almost everything about daily life, so it helps to talk it through before you decide. These questions to ask your partner before having kids cover timing, how many children you imagine, parenting styles, discipline, money, work and childcare, and how you will protect time for your relationship.

Read the list together or press play to take one card at a time. There are no right answers, and it is fine if you do not agree on everything yet - understanding each other is the first step. Spread the questions over a few evenings. This page supports conversation only and is not medical, financial or professional advice.

Start playing

1
How many kids, if any, do you imagine having?
2
How did your parents' approach shape how you'd want to parent?
3
How do you feel about adoption or fostering?
4
How would we split parenting responsibilities?
5
Would you want our kids to grow up near family?
6
How do you feel about pets as part of our family?
7
What's something from your childhood you'd never repeat?
8
How would we keep our relationship strong after having kids?
9
What's your view on discipline?
10
What kind of grandparents do you hope our parents would be?
11
What's a family tradition you'd love to start with our own family?
12
How would you want to celebrate holidays with kids?
13
What role would you want our parents to play in our kids' lives?
14
How do you feel about raising kids in a city versus the countryside?
15
What's a children's book you'd want to read to our kids?
16
How would we share time off after a baby arrives?
17
What would you want our kids to call us?
18
How important is it to you that our kids learn another language?
19
What hobbies would you love to share with our kids?
20
How much screen time feels right for kids to you?
21
What's one thing your parents got right that you'd copy?
22
How would we make sure we still have date nights as parents?
23
Do you see children in our future?
24
What values would you most want to pass on to our kids?
25
How would we handle it if we disagreed about having kids?
26
What's something from your childhood you'd want to give our kids?
27
What scares you most about becoming a parent?
28
What does being a good parent mean to you?
29
How would we handle it if becoming parents took longer than we hoped?
30
What kind of family culture do you want us to build?
31
What's a city you'd love to live in someday?
32
What's one adventure you want us to have this year?
33
What's a trip we absolutely have to take together?
34
If we had a family motto, what would it be?
35
Would I rather live in a city or the countryside one day?
36
Do I want to travel the world or settle down?
37
Would I rather have a big house or a small cozy one?
38
Would I rather learn to surf or learn to ski?
39
What country do I most want to visit?
40
Where do you see us in five years?
41
What's something you want to achieve before you turn 50?
42
What does your dream home look like?
43
How do you picture our ideal retirement?
44
What's a skill you'd like us to learn together?
45
What's a career change you've thought about?
46
How do you want our weekends to look in ten years?
47
What traditions do you want us to keep forever?
48
What would you like to be doing every day when you're 70?
49
Would I rather retire early or work on something I love forever?
50
Do I want to live near family in the future?

What should couples discuss before having a baby?

Timing, finances, childcare, how you will split responsibilities, parenting values and the support you can count on from family and friends.

What if one of us is not sure about kids?

Give it time and keep talking openly. If you feel stuck, a counselor can help you understand each other's feelings.

How do we talk about parenting styles?

Start with how you were each raised: what you want to repeat and what you would do differently.

Is it too early to ask these questions?

It is never too early to understand each other's hopes, as long as you keep the tone curious rather than pushy.