Family Planning Questions for Couples

Deciding whether, when and how to have children is one of the biggest conversations a couple can have. These family planning questions help you talk through it step by step: whether you want kids, how many, timing, parenting styles, careers and childcare, and how you would share the load.

There are no right answers and no score. Choose a calm moment, take turns reading the cards and listen before you respond. You do not need to agree on everything in one night - the goal is to understand each other. Play on one phone or two. These questions are for conversation only and are not medical or professional advice.

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  1. 1

    Do you see children in our future?

  2. 2

    How many kids, if any, do you imagine having?

  3. 3

    What values would you most want to pass on to our kids?

  4. 4

    How did your parents' approach shape how you'd want to parent?

  5. 5

    How do you feel about adoption or fostering?

  6. 6

    How would we split parenting responsibilities?

  7. 7

    How would we handle it if we disagreed about having kids?

  8. 8

    Would you want our kids to grow up near family?

  9. 9

    How do you feel about pets as part of our family?

  10. 10

    What's something from your childhood you'd want to give our kids?

  11. 11

    What's something from your childhood you'd never repeat?

  12. 12

    How would we keep our relationship strong after having kids?

  13. 13

    What's your view on discipline?

  14. 14

    What kind of grandparents do you hope our parents would be?

  15. 15

    What scares you most about becoming a parent?

  16. 16

    What's a family tradition you'd love to start with our own family?

  17. 17

    How would you want to celebrate holidays with kids?

  18. 18

    What role would you want our parents to play in our kids' lives?

  19. 19

    How do you feel about raising kids in a city versus the countryside?

  20. 20

    What's a children's book you'd want to read to our kids?

  21. 21

    What does being a good parent mean to you?

  22. 22

    How would we share time off after a baby arrives?

  23. 23

    What would you want our kids to call us?

  24. 24

    How important is it to you that our kids learn another language?

  25. 25

    How would we handle it if becoming parents took longer than we hoped?

  26. 26

    What hobbies would you love to share with our kids?

  27. 27

    How much screen time feels right for kids to you?

  28. 28

    What's one thing your parents got right that you'd copy?

  29. 29

    How would we make sure we still have date nights as parents?

  30. 30

    What kind of family culture do you want us to build?

What questions should couples ask about having kids?

Start with whether you both want children, then timing, number, parenting style, how you would split responsibilities and what support you would need from family.

What if we want different things?

That is important to know early. Keep talking, give each other time, and consider speaking with a counselor if you feel stuck.

Do these questions cover adoption or not having kids?

Yes. The questions are open and include different paths to family as well as choosing a life without children.

When should couples talk about family planning?

Before major commitments like moving in together or getting engaged, and again whenever plans change.