Questions to Ask Before Marriage

Love is the reason to get married, but day-to-day life is made of practical things. These questions to ask before marriage help you talk through the topics that couples most often wish they had discussed earlier: money habits, where to live, children, careers, family boundaries, chores and how you handle disagreements.

They are not a test and there is no score. Set aside an hour, take turns reading a card and give each answer the time it needs. Mark the questions you want to come back to and skip anything you already know well. You can play on one phone or two, and nothing you write is stored on our servers once your room closes.

Start playing

1
What does a successful marriage look like to you?
2
How do you want us to handle money once we're married?
3
How did your parents handle conflict, and what would you do differently?
4
What role do you want faith or spirituality to play in our home?
5
Where would you like us to live in five years?
6
How do you feel about having children, and when?
7
How should we divide household chores?
8
How involved do you want our families to be in our life?
9
What would you do if we fell out of sync for a while?
10
How do you want to celebrate holidays as a married couple?
11
What's a deal-breaker for you in a marriage?
12
How do you feel about combining bank accounts?
13
What are your expectations around careers and relocating?
14
How much time apart do you think is healthy for a married couple?
15
What do you think we'll argue about most, and how should we handle it?
16
What part of planning the wedding are you most excited about?
17
What's one wedding tradition you'd love to keep?
18
What's one wedding tradition you'd happily skip?
19
What do you want our first year of marriage to feel like?
20
What's the vow you most want to keep?
21
Where would your dream honeymoon be?
22
How did the proposal feel for you?
23
What's something you want to remember from this engaged season?
24
What song do you want for our first dance?
25
What's one fear about marriage you'd like to talk about?
26
What's one thing you want to learn from couples you admire?
27
How can we keep wedding stress from affecting us?
28
Who do you think will cry first at the wedding?
29
What's one promise you want to make to me that's not in the vows?
30
What do you want our marriage to stand for?
31
Do you see children in our future?
32
How many kids, if any, do you imagine having?
33
What values would you most want to pass on to our kids?
34
How did your parents' approach shape how you'd want to parent?
35
How do you feel about adoption or fostering?
36
How would we split parenting responsibilities?
37
How would we handle it if we disagreed about having kids?
38
Would you want our kids to grow up near family?
39
How do you feel about pets as part of our family?
40
What's something from your childhood you'd want to give our kids?

What questions should you ask before getting married?

Cover money, children, careers, where you want to live, family relationships, household roles and how you handle conflict. This page groups questions on each of those so you do not miss anything important.

Is it unromantic to ask these questions?

Not at all. Talking openly about your future is a way of taking each other seriously. Most couples find these conversations bring them closer.

What if we disagree on something big?

Disagreeing is information, not failure. Note the topic, keep talking over time, and consider a premarital course or a counselor if you feel stuck. This game is not a substitute for professional advice.

How long does it take to go through the list?

Most couples spread it over two or three evenings. There is no rush - the point is to talk honestly, not to finish quickly.